the sunnier side of doubt
jen and i were talking about how some people have naturally melancholic souls. you know the kind..alot of them are actually clinically depressive, but some aren't. that friend who just doesn't stop whining. the one, when in neutral mode (i.e nothing particularly bad or good happening in his life), will just gravitate towards thinking of the shit, and even pathetically reaching to convince you that he deserves your sympathy: "AND i'm single!!". the kind who actually does say the words "my life very hard" without any irony at all.
so just a while ago, jo tells me "you're so strong" (not physically, people). stunned as i am by this compliment - because i don't think i am at all - i realise that she means that i just seem to take alot of things in my stride. (save a few nights of wallowing into long island iced teas here and there usually spurred on by my menstrual cycle). i self-reflect for a few moments, as one is wont to do now and then. then i realise: it's not that i am particularly strong..god knows (and through my sister the apostle, reminds constantly) i haven't been through enough adversity.
but i'm just one of those people without a melancholic soul. I do feel awful when shit happens...but there's only so much feeling sad i can do. my mind just wanders. i used to force myself to wallow..to concentrate my mind on every facet of just how shitty the shitty thing that was currently happening is. but the truth is...my soul isn't melancholic; at heart i am a bimbo. i can ruminate for ages on how i need to learn eyebrow trimming properly, and maybe i can take classes, but from whom? and don't have time leh? also, i need a new pedicure etc etc, but it is almost impossible for me to feel the heavy burden of seeing with uncovered eyes the meaninglessness of life etc etc.
it's a blessing, i told jo (whom i have also identified as a fellow bimbo-soul). it means we feel the wonderful things in life (such as anticipating the pleasure of a forever 21 sale) so much more keenly than the awful stuff. so maybe on the outside that looks strong. but i know it for what is it: something to get on your knees and be thankful for - a preternatural inclination to see the sunnier side of doubt.
so just a while ago, jo tells me "you're so strong" (not physically, people). stunned as i am by this compliment - because i don't think i am at all - i realise that she means that i just seem to take alot of things in my stride. (save a few nights of wallowing into long island iced teas here and there usually spurred on by my menstrual cycle). i self-reflect for a few moments, as one is wont to do now and then. then i realise: it's not that i am particularly strong..god knows (and through my sister the apostle, reminds constantly) i haven't been through enough adversity.
but i'm just one of those people without a melancholic soul. I do feel awful when shit happens...but there's only so much feeling sad i can do. my mind just wanders. i used to force myself to wallow..to concentrate my mind on every facet of just how shitty the shitty thing that was currently happening is. but the truth is...my soul isn't melancholic; at heart i am a bimbo. i can ruminate for ages on how i need to learn eyebrow trimming properly, and maybe i can take classes, but from whom? and don't have time leh? also, i need a new pedicure etc etc, but it is almost impossible for me to feel the heavy burden of seeing with uncovered eyes the meaninglessness of life etc etc.
it's a blessing, i told jo (whom i have also identified as a fellow bimbo-soul). it means we feel the wonderful things in life (such as anticipating the pleasure of a forever 21 sale) so much more keenly than the awful stuff. so maybe on the outside that looks strong. but i know it for what is it: something to get on your knees and be thankful for - a preternatural inclination to see the sunnier side of doubt.
i think it must indeed be a blessing... and i am liking the new blog muchly:) i miss you already. the past day has been so busy i lost weight, no kidding. call you soon to explain. love you.
Posted by
jennani |
6:59 PM
jen! where're u!!! how come ur cellphone's with some random american-accented guy?? CALL ME. -jo
Posted by
*me |
2:37 AM
heehee. i love how jo's comment here totally reflects the bimbo-soul thing. wandering mind and all.
Posted by
chang! |
10:37 PM