falling into grace

OMG I have discovered another Rachel Chang who is also a journalist (ok i am not really a journalist...YET. but come on, she writes for the US Open website lor, not the NY Times or anything.)

The thing that cracks me up about this is that I imagine she might be Bizarro Rachel, like in that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine meets Bizarro-World Jerry, George, and Kramer (Kevin, Gene, and Feldman hee!)

and there's this brilliant scene where Elaine tells Jerry about meeting Kevin, and how Kevin's the total opposite of Jerry in every way. And Jerry says, yah, he's Bizarro Jerry, like Bizarro Superman, who's Superman's opposite in everyway and lives in Bizarro backward world. :"Up is Down. Down is Up. He says "Hello" when he leaves, "Good bye" when he arrives."

And Elaine, totally not getting it, says something like.. why is he the opposite of superman? does he live under water?

Jerry says, NO.

Elaine says: "is he BLACK?"

hee! Seinfeld love.

Posted by chang! at 2:18 AM | Permalink | Comments

ok, super khiampah self-indulgent post ahead. for people who want to see my new hair: outtake from my picture byline shoot.

i'm cracking up here because the photog wanted a "serious, slight smile" and in her quest to obtain it, she was saying to me while i was posing "ok, i'm someone you really like...i've given you a nice present...yes..you like the present alot...". cue hysterics from me. lol.

Posted by chang! at 1:30 AM | Permalink | Comments

taken from dubdew. ok she didn't tag me but i couldn't resist!

1. One book you have read more than once
Uh, in my heyday as angsty pre-teen: most of the Sweet Valley Senior Year collection. Also all the Enid Blyton's "Secret Island" series, as well as many trashy Christopher Pike books. Recently: Harry Potter from Goblet of Fire onwards.

Usually I don't read books more than once, unless they're very guilty trashy pleasures...for when i feel like being mindlessly entertained for awhile, and i know where to go to avoid being disapppointed. Because for books that really touch something in you, i think that you can't really repeat that experience of reading it for the first time...those kinds of books, after you finish them you wish you could erase all memory of it so you can read it again and relish every moment again. but bar that, rereading really no point.

2. One book you would want on a desert island
Jon Stewart and the Daily Show gang's America (the book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy's Inaction. for giggles. endless hours of navel-gazing supplied by their discussion questions eg "Why do you think the Framers make the Constitution so soul-crushingly boring?". And when the despair and hunger/thirst start setting in, those lewd pics of the supreme court justices are gonna be a right pick-me-up.

3. One book that made you laugh
Everything written by David Sedaris. And I mean laugh so hard you're gonna piss your pants kind of laugh. The giggle to yourself, bite your knuckles in public places kind of laugh. And just when you think he can't get any funnier, one hears his live readings. ohhh, that impression of The Rooster's accent is just phenomenal. "That Jesus, he be nice!"

4. One book that made you cry
Tuesdays with Morrie. And then I felt very dirty afterwards.

5. One book you wish you had written
Uhm too many to narrow down:
Elizabeth Wurtzel's Prozac Nation (specifically - not her other books because they get kind of crappy)
Michael Chabon's Mysteries of Pittsburgh and Wonder Boys: who else could make an aimless, freeloading bisexual and a pothead over-the-hill writer so easy to empathise with?
Dave Eggers: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius INDEED. I want to be his best friend!!!

all because of their elegant and unpretentious writing. so talented! sigh. if only i could squeeze out one sentence of that calibre.

6. One book you wish had never been written
uh..the only book i can really recall hating in recent years is Twiggy's biography. She is so full of herself i could not believe it. Another thing I cannot believe is that I was free enough to go read Twiggy's biography.

7. One book you are currently reading
Uh, Out of Africa by Karen Blixen. Ever since my sister raved about it. Am progressing at snail-like pace. Have come to conclusion that one must have gone to Africa (like my sister just did) to enjoy it.

8. One book you have been meaning to read
Too many: top of the list right now is Mere Christianity by C.S Lewis. Unfortunately it has been top of the list for a year now.

Also, the LOTR trilogy. But I just can't get past the Shire!

9. One book that changed your life
Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Journey across Italy, India and Indonesia. no, not serious fiction. yes, self-help kind of shit. shut up! i loved it. and it was paradigm-shifting. (no, i am not ashamed of my capacity to heartswell uncritically.)

Posted by chang! at 3:10 AM | Permalink | Comments

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

Pablo Neruda

Sometimes you read about someone else's heartache and your stomach lurches in remembered sorrow - for him or yourself?

Posted by chang! at 1:06 AM | Permalink | Comments

so, under the combined peer pressure of my sister and danielle (who - having just met half an hour ago - were still able to show complete unanimity in their belief that my hair needs to change) and faux compliments ("your eyes are big! and you got high cheekbones....AND your forehead very big so better cover up!"), I took the plunge.

me: "Auntie, I want to cut a fringe.
her: oh. a full fringe ar? *gives me a dubious look*
me: uhm. yah..will it look ugly?
her: uhhhh....(touches my hair)...maybe can la...a FULL fringe ar girl?

so with her absolute confidence and unyielding support for my decision, i declared that yes, i want a full fringe.

so she combs my wet hair - the bit that's gonna be the fringe - down over my face, and leaves it there for a while while she cuts off my split ends etc. having put it off as long as humanly possible, she finally does the fringe.

she positions the scissors just below my eyebrows.
her: "ok ar...i'm cutting the fringe now ar!"
me: "WHY YOU SAY UNTIL LIDDAT?!"
her: (laughing nervously) ok ar..i'm cutting ar! this is it ar!"
me: oh dear god just get it over with."

so. i am now almost totally unrecognisable. last night at zouk it was hilarious as people i knew came up and greeted friends NEXT to me, thinking, (in gillian's words): "oh, Jo! And Jo's friend!"

and the standard reaction after i got into their faces:
1. Puzzled look (who is this crazy girl with all the hair waving at me?)
2. Eyes widen in recognition (omg it's rachel!)
3. Registers new look (omg you cut your hair!)

and this is where reactions have differed wildly.
from the good:
Debbie: OMG rachel i love your bangs ok see you inside bye!

to the bad:
Zhuang: *frowns* oh, i don't really like it...(sees my face) butthat'sjustmypersonalopinioni'msureeveryoneelselikesit!

to the kind:
Serene: it grows on you! (not literally my hair growing on me. she was not that drunk (YET). but the new look growing on her)

to the gobsmacked:
Sheryl: is that A WIG?!

to the manage-to-compliment-and-then-insult-in-the-same-breath:
Ignatius: (i must say this is a unique skill of his) I like it! but now, must change your wardrobe...it needs to be...sophisticated.

My sister: (oh wahey, it's not that unique a talent after all! or maybe i'm just surrounded by such people) See I told you it would be nice! It makes your face look smaller!

As for me, THE MOST IMPORTANT OPINION-HOLDER, i'm still undecided. it's not a disaster, but it sure is different. and for people who know me and my kind (sheryl, jerald and i: "let's go to a bar that we haven't been before! try new things! *many places are thrown up* haiya...ok la let's just go emerald hill!"), know that i loathe different.

but you know, i think it's time for a change, and i'm glad i dared. and it's kind of fun being unrecognisable. (My father as he walked into the living room, and saw me watching tv. "(pause) *in tentative voice* Rachel?")

so people when you see me, be kind! if you hate it I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!

Posted by chang! at 1:30 AM | Permalink | Comments