chasing after windmills
Sometimes I wish that I could be one of those people who do whatever they want, whenever they wanted. People who have wild dreams and crazy expectations and aren't afraid to put their hearts out there.
Instead for all my bravado I'm always the one who does what everyone expects me to. I wish I had the guts to have not chosen the more famous school; I wish I had the guts to take what I want and give my heart away.
But all I have is pride: pride that people will be impressed by me and my bright future; pride that I will be loved and desired and chased after, not loving or desiring or chasing.
And when I think of everything I want in the future, I wonder if they will come true. Or if I will be too afraid to leave when my bond is up, too afraid to dodge bombs and bullets, and too afraid to love because I will not be loved in return.
But mostly I'm afraid because I know that I can do these things, they're mine for the taking. One wrong turn or one wrong decision could erase the possibilities in my future....so while it seems that the safety net of destiny and of providence used to be enough, now it just seems that I am needlessly anxious for what the future holds.
Instead for all my bravado I'm always the one who does what everyone expects me to. I wish I had the guts to have not chosen the more famous school; I wish I had the guts to take what I want and give my heart away.
But all I have is pride: pride that people will be impressed by me and my bright future; pride that I will be loved and desired and chased after, not loving or desiring or chasing.
And when I think of everything I want in the future, I wonder if they will come true. Or if I will be too afraid to leave when my bond is up, too afraid to dodge bombs and bullets, and too afraid to love because I will not be loved in return.
But mostly I'm afraid because I know that I can do these things, they're mine for the taking. One wrong turn or one wrong decision could erase the possibilities in my future....so while it seems that the safety net of destiny and of providence used to be enough, now it just seems that I am needlessly anxious for what the future holds.
