in my head
from a diary (the little green dog one!) entry years ago:
"it's rather stupid to feel like your heart's been broken when you've never actually been involved at all. But you know, in your head you were. In your head, he held your hand and told you that you fit. In your head he said you filled his poetic memory. In your head you had a first date, a first kiss, even a whole freakin' marriage. In your head he remembered every moment in detail the way you do. In your head it would be a happily ever after...it was only a matter of time.
In you head he wouldn't have said those words..in your head he wouldn't have walked away from you like that. In your head he would never have made you cry like that, he would never look at her like that, he would not break your heart without even trying and without knowing he did at all.
Too bad you can't live in your head."
that entry is so emo it just cracks me up. hopefully in another couple of years i will similarly look back on the angstier entries in this blog and smile at my youthful ebullience. then again, part of me is loathe to dismiss the sentiment of that diary entry..i can hardly remember (hah!), but i know i felt every crystalline moment of that pain. so maybe instead of feeling superior as i love to do (the pre-adult me feeling superior to the post-pubescent me) (no, the irony isn't lost on me)), maybe i should just comfort myself presently with the fact that that "he" is now a stranger to me, in every sense of the word.
life goes on..so quietly and so resolutely that we fail to notice most of the time.
"it's rather stupid to feel like your heart's been broken when you've never actually been involved at all. But you know, in your head you were. In your head, he held your hand and told you that you fit. In your head he said you filled his poetic memory. In your head you had a first date, a first kiss, even a whole freakin' marriage. In your head he remembered every moment in detail the way you do. In your head it would be a happily ever after...it was only a matter of time.
In you head he wouldn't have said those words..in your head he wouldn't have walked away from you like that. In your head he would never have made you cry like that, he would never look at her like that, he would not break your heart without even trying and without knowing he did at all.
Too bad you can't live in your head."
that entry is so emo it just cracks me up. hopefully in another couple of years i will similarly look back on the angstier entries in this blog and smile at my youthful ebullience. then again, part of me is loathe to dismiss the sentiment of that diary entry..i can hardly remember (hah!), but i know i felt every crystalline moment of that pain. so maybe instead of feeling superior as i love to do (the pre-adult me feeling superior to the post-pubescent me) (no, the irony isn't lost on me)), maybe i should just comfort myself presently with the fact that that "he" is now a stranger to me, in every sense of the word.
life goes on..so quietly and so resolutely that we fail to notice most of the time.
ha. pseudo emotions ah? ;p
Posted by
w. |
2:18 AM
infatuations come and go. dont dwell on it too much. new relationships awaiting you. the hard disk cant store too much old data.
Posted by
chang! |
3:22 AM
thanks for the wisdom, daddy. that's comfort enough :)
Posted by
chang! |
8:49 AM