starting anew, again
I realise that it's already well into the new year, but somehow in the bustle/post-holiday depression/pre-school excitement of the last two weeks, i've forgotten to think about my year past...and sitting here now in my room again (home sweet home!), and reading blogs full of new year posts with those corny "my year was full of laughter and tears, love and loss blah blah blah" shite, and having written the date ending with 2006 for the first time, it suddenly occurred to me that I have so much to say about last year, and where else to say it?
this blog isn't even a year old (I remember exactly its genesis clearly in my mind: it was in the early days of my internship, and i was bored out of my mind, and decided to just set it up so I would have something to do for the rest of the day. (haha, ignatius don't need to feel bad! (although i know you don't :/) and from there it kindof hobbled on and found a life of its own, and an actual readership (what is it now? 10 people? heh. hollaback y'all!) (ok i'm sorry abt that last bit), and it's become almost precious to me. i love blogging, but only when i know i'll be proud of the post...and re-reading my archives (yes, i do that.) makes me laugh and smile and feel twangs (renji's brilliant word) of nostalgia and sorrow, (oh god, i'm doing the corny post thing), and of course - cringe, at the horrible writing, at the angst-filled tween posts, at the missteps i wish never happened, but i know needed to. then there are also the posts at which i giggle out loud, or think "that was good stuff!" with a healthy dose of shamelessness (but people, would i really be the same person with shame?). i only wish that this blog can hobble on to the day that i can make that sidebar that tequilamockingbird has "the ones people talk about", with links to all her best posts.
i think i've lost sight of the goal of this post. yes, the year!
it started inauspiciously enough - my parents and sister will remember me whining endlessly about how shitty SPH was, and how i wanted to quit (after about two weeks etc etc). back then the collective wisdom was "all jobs start out shitty..don't be so impatient, give it a chance etc etc". and well, i never really thought about how that came true for me until the time when lynn khan emailed me about the sph internship (she was starting hers, and she had a couple of questions). and i was planning to just write short answers or whatever, but in the end ended up sitting there for 30 minutes writing a veritable essay. i had so much to say about the whole experience - because it was a huge part of my year (until july, people!), and also because it was such an experience. from flipping through vanity fair, bored out of my mind, to rushing around, staying in the newsroom until 11pm....from filler stories to exciting ones..and from being terrified of everyone and intensely uncomfortable, to being so sad to leave.
and for all its faults the newsroom was where i'd rather be, if i had to be anywhere for 6 years at all...in the end, the choice was too easy.
and then there was the endless dilemma-ing about universities, where i would be happier etc etc (pls refer to the post "poor finisher" - april 2005), and then there was the crazy head rush of the first term here, then the even crazier holidays.
and that i've come through in one piece - for all the highs and lows of the first term, and the london survival course that was the holidays, and more importantly, that looking back i can only remember the good stuff: like the first time i realised i was comfortable here; or the fact that it was that my parents even had a proper holiday this time, instead of the stressed-filled trips that we used to take, that we could take care of them, and even that they treated each other so well all throughout. and the fact that although i moved to at least 5 different places in london, and lived out of a suitcase for 6 weeks, i was never in want of a place to stay - whether giving up his bed, or letting me have her entire room for a week, or just an unhesitant open offer. and while i may be completely over-perceptive, and analyse everything to death sometimes, when i look back it's as if i have blinkers on, i can only see the good bits, and feel like yup, that happened the way it should have.
so the year was insane. i can't believe that so many things and so many experiences have happened in this record time. i can't even believe that the same person trekking around london, was the same one in tears from the anxiety of waiting for A level results.
and for all the talk about turning 20, and how hideously old that sounds, there are so many years to go..and the way things are happening, there's hardly going to be any time for me to catch my breath. but those are alway the best kinds of adventures huh?
well, this has turned into one of those corny new year posts after all. oh well..i guess that the new year always makes people try to sum up the year past in just a few words (or in my case, a few thousand words), and the words we come up with are always, always inadequate. and maybe that's just the plan - to fully feel tiny in the grand scheme of things, and to feel amazed at everything that can happen, and does. and then to feel thankful - to whoever or whatever you believe in - because take a deep breath...and feel how amazing it is to be alive.
this blog isn't even a year old (I remember exactly its genesis clearly in my mind: it was in the early days of my internship, and i was bored out of my mind, and decided to just set it up so I would have something to do for the rest of the day. (haha, ignatius don't need to feel bad! (although i know you don't :/) and from there it kindof hobbled on and found a life of its own, and an actual readership (what is it now? 10 people? heh. hollaback y'all!) (ok i'm sorry abt that last bit), and it's become almost precious to me. i love blogging, but only when i know i'll be proud of the post...and re-reading my archives (yes, i do that.) makes me laugh and smile and feel twangs (renji's brilliant word) of nostalgia and sorrow, (oh god, i'm doing the corny post thing), and of course - cringe, at the horrible writing, at the angst-filled tween posts, at the missteps i wish never happened, but i know needed to. then there are also the posts at which i giggle out loud, or think "that was good stuff!" with a healthy dose of shamelessness (but people, would i really be the same person with shame?). i only wish that this blog can hobble on to the day that i can make that sidebar that tequilamockingbird has "the ones people talk about", with links to all her best posts.
i think i've lost sight of the goal of this post. yes, the year!
it started inauspiciously enough - my parents and sister will remember me whining endlessly about how shitty SPH was, and how i wanted to quit (after about two weeks etc etc). back then the collective wisdom was "all jobs start out shitty..don't be so impatient, give it a chance etc etc". and well, i never really thought about how that came true for me until the time when lynn khan emailed me about the sph internship (she was starting hers, and she had a couple of questions). and i was planning to just write short answers or whatever, but in the end ended up sitting there for 30 minutes writing a veritable essay. i had so much to say about the whole experience - because it was a huge part of my year (until july, people!), and also because it was such an experience. from flipping through vanity fair, bored out of my mind, to rushing around, staying in the newsroom until 11pm....from filler stories to exciting ones..and from being terrified of everyone and intensely uncomfortable, to being so sad to leave.
and for all its faults the newsroom was where i'd rather be, if i had to be anywhere for 6 years at all...in the end, the choice was too easy.
and then there was the endless dilemma-ing about universities, where i would be happier etc etc (pls refer to the post "poor finisher" - april 2005), and then there was the crazy head rush of the first term here, then the even crazier holidays.
and that i've come through in one piece - for all the highs and lows of the first term, and the london survival course that was the holidays, and more importantly, that looking back i can only remember the good stuff: like the first time i realised i was comfortable here; or the fact that it was that my parents even had a proper holiday this time, instead of the stressed-filled trips that we used to take, that we could take care of them, and even that they treated each other so well all throughout. and the fact that although i moved to at least 5 different places in london, and lived out of a suitcase for 6 weeks, i was never in want of a place to stay - whether giving up his bed, or letting me have her entire room for a week, or just an unhesitant open offer. and while i may be completely over-perceptive, and analyse everything to death sometimes, when i look back it's as if i have blinkers on, i can only see the good bits, and feel like yup, that happened the way it should have.
so the year was insane. i can't believe that so many things and so many experiences have happened in this record time. i can't even believe that the same person trekking around london, was the same one in tears from the anxiety of waiting for A level results.
and for all the talk about turning 20, and how hideously old that sounds, there are so many years to go..and the way things are happening, there's hardly going to be any time for me to catch my breath. but those are alway the best kinds of adventures huh?
well, this has turned into one of those corny new year posts after all. oh well..i guess that the new year always makes people try to sum up the year past in just a few words (or in my case, a few thousand words), and the words we come up with are always, always inadequate. and maybe that's just the plan - to fully feel tiny in the grand scheme of things, and to feel amazed at everything that can happen, and does. and then to feel thankful - to whoever or whatever you believe in - because take a deep breath...and feel how amazing it is to be alive.
