Saturday, October 29, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
from oscar wilde to melanie griffith
just came back from quiz night at the turf, which was bloody fun really! we came in 4th (absolutely AMAZING! we all could not believe it) out of like 20 teams or something. Embarassingly enough, I shone in the "celebrity couples" round, where they give you one celebrity and the team had to write down the celebrity's "other half".
Things here are settling into a nice enough rhythm...this week is going to be fun - the girls are making dinner for our floor tomorrow (we plan on just boiling pre-made ravioli and pouring pasta sauce over, really.), and there's the diwali ball on friday (organised by the hindu society! banghra-style dancing allllll night yeah. vicky and i are just using it as an excuse to get new dresses really. haha!), and then there's the halloween bop on sunday.
pictures from quiz night:
phoebe, rosy and karl in my room before we head out. rosy was really ill so she didn't go, poor girl :( (she claims i gave her the flu, and I probably did, so I do really feel bad.) karl's one of my best mates here..he's a really cool guy. i'll never forget the first time we met, when he asked "so, how long have you been learning english?" me: "since birth, you fucker." since then, whenever he talks ignorant shit about singapore (eg: "do they have topshop in singapore?"), i give him a dirty look and he ALWAYS follows up with "and were you learning english at the time?". heh.
that's karl, me, ben and simon (don't really know the latter two, but ben lives a floor above, and simon is apparently a law genius, according to zhuanghui.)
there's lawrence, rachel, eugene and mike at the turf. mike is on my floor and is an absolute MACHINE at the quiz. seriously, he is really really good at that shit. he knew practically all the answers to round one, which basically gave some information about a novel, and you would have to give the title and author. He does english, which maybe could explain why he knew every one from dostoevsky to verdi, but then, that doesn't explain how he knows which song was voted eurovision song of the century (waterloo, by ABBA), or the lyrics to craig david's "walking away" (well, he was rather ashamed at the latter actually, haha).
well, hope to update more soon. apologies for my shittiness on MSN..i just hate chatting - as most of you know - and i'm always in and out of my room. People, EMAIL ME ok, please. I will DEFINITELY reply. hope everyone's doing great -
Things here are settling into a nice enough rhythm...this week is going to be fun - the girls are making dinner for our floor tomorrow (we plan on just boiling pre-made ravioli and pouring pasta sauce over, really.), and there's the diwali ball on friday (organised by the hindu society! banghra-style dancing allllll night yeah. vicky and i are just using it as an excuse to get new dresses really. haha!), and then there's the halloween bop on sunday.
pictures from quiz night:
phoebe, rosy and karl in my room before we head out. rosy was really ill so she didn't go, poor girl :( (she claims i gave her the flu, and I probably did, so I do really feel bad.) karl's one of my best mates here..he's a really cool guy. i'll never forget the first time we met, when he asked "so, how long have you been learning english?" me: "since birth, you fucker." since then, whenever he talks ignorant shit about singapore (eg: "do they have topshop in singapore?"), i give him a dirty look and he ALWAYS follows up with "and were you learning english at the time?". heh.
that's karl, me, ben and simon (don't really know the latter two, but ben lives a floor above, and simon is apparently a law genius, according to zhuanghui.)
there's lawrence, rachel, eugene and mike at the turf. mike is on my floor and is an absolute MACHINE at the quiz. seriously, he is really really good at that shit. he knew practically all the answers to round one, which basically gave some information about a novel, and you would have to give the title and author. He does english, which maybe could explain why he knew every one from dostoevsky to verdi, but then, that doesn't explain how he knows which song was voted eurovision song of the century (waterloo, by ABBA), or the lyrics to craig david's "walking away" (well, he was rather ashamed at the latter actually, haha).
well, hope to update more soon. apologies for my shittiness on MSN..i just hate chatting - as most of you know - and i'm always in and out of my room. People, EMAIL ME ok, please. I will DEFINITELY reply. hope everyone's doing great -
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
matriculation! and assorted other things
I have just officially finished by first ever philosophy essay. It's on the sceptical challenge, and Putnam's brains in a vat argument, if anyone was interested. It is now 4.18am here, by the way. And so, since I have vowed not to sleep until my rowing training at 7am, and since the amount of disgusting coffee I have ingested has made the afore avowment something of an inevitability, I am posting pictures!
My philosophy essay is rather badly done, I think. Today I had the MOST awkward economics tutorial. I had basically done half the questions half-pissed at 3am after coming back from the Turf on friday night, and when he gave back my work today, it was like my writing wasn't even on the lines! And I had to read out my answers while phoebe (my tutorial partner) "commented", and it was awkward as hell because I was basically bluffing my way through it (eg: He wants diagrams for the question: I spend 10 minutes wiping off the board, but secretly panicking thinking which fucking diagram!!) So. I thus vow to be a better student, and study more, and more seriously, for that matter. Anyhoo-
Saturday was matriculation, which was awesome. Everyone got all dressed up in our gowns and sub-fusc, and while we were all walking to the sheldonian to be matriculated, all these tourists were taking pictures of us..awesome! then everyone basically spent the whole day at the turf (THE oxford pub: greatest pub in the world) getting plastered and chanting anti-Queens rhymes. Then we all staggered back to get ready for this fancy champagne and chocolates thing that we all shelled out 12 quid for - I mean dresses and black tie - which was fun, but underwhelming. (the chocolate was like, bowls of after-eight mints, really). Then we summoned up the strength to troop off to the purple turtle ( an Oxford Union bar), but it was super unhappening (it was Chinese Association NIght i think, so lots of PRCs)..so we went to get kebabs, and then home.
Rosy and I. She lives 3 doors down from me, we have 3 horny boys who talk nonstop about sex between us. So we're thankful we have each other. Or we would both have to partake in conversations centering around "which is better? A blow job, or a really good shit?"
teddy hall oumssa!
floormates hanging out at the turf
this guy called saj. he's so funny, he comes from the london "ghetto" and raps!
everyone waiting for matriculation to start
My philosophy essay is rather badly done, I think. Today I had the MOST awkward economics tutorial. I had basically done half the questions half-pissed at 3am after coming back from the Turf on friday night, and when he gave back my work today, it was like my writing wasn't even on the lines! And I had to read out my answers while phoebe (my tutorial partner) "commented", and it was awkward as hell because I was basically bluffing my way through it (eg: He wants diagrams for the question: I spend 10 minutes wiping off the board, but secretly panicking thinking which fucking diagram!!) So. I thus vow to be a better student, and study more, and more seriously, for that matter. Anyhoo-
Saturday was matriculation, which was awesome. Everyone got all dressed up in our gowns and sub-fusc, and while we were all walking to the sheldonian to be matriculated, all these tourists were taking pictures of us..awesome! then everyone basically spent the whole day at the turf (THE oxford pub: greatest pub in the world) getting plastered and chanting anti-Queens rhymes. Then we all staggered back to get ready for this fancy champagne and chocolates thing that we all shelled out 12 quid for - I mean dresses and black tie - which was fun, but underwhelming. (the chocolate was like, bowls of after-eight mints, really). Then we summoned up the strength to troop off to the purple turtle ( an Oxford Union bar), but it was super unhappening (it was Chinese Association NIght i think, so lots of PRCs)..so we went to get kebabs, and then home.
Rosy and I. She lives 3 doors down from me, we have 3 horny boys who talk nonstop about sex between us. So we're thankful we have each other. Or we would both have to partake in conversations centering around "which is better? A blow job, or a really good shit?"
teddy hall oumssa!
floormates hanging out at the turfthis guy called saj. he's so funny, he comes from the london "ghetto" and raps!
everyone waiting for matriculation to start
Sunday, October 16, 2005
it's a long way from home
wow, has it only been 2 weeks? It feels like a year has flown by...so many things have happened in so little time, so many things have changed that I can hardly remember what it feels like to not live in this room, to not use that broken shower, to not walk down high or cornmarket street with the wind blowing in my face. I can't even remember ever living in a place that i could leave the house without bringing a jacket - really, a place that wearing a tank top still made you sweat - a place that would charge me 15 bucks - that's 5 quid now - for a drink.
I'm so bad at keeping in touch because I'm just too tired to tell people about what's going on in my life. It's like the little free time I have, I KNOW I should be studying, or just hanging out, or doing laundry. It's like the list of things I need to do is a huge pile, and the free time I have is a tiny little bit (and I'm not like Aimee who can survive on 4 hours of sleep a night) and to have the prospect of spending money to try to paint a (futile, really) picture of a place to people who cannot possibly understand, or to hear news from a place that feels almost like another planet, is just too tiring.
Understand that it's only because I am the way I am, and things right now are the way they are, and not that I don't miss home incredibly, or wish that I was back there (or more accurately, that everyone is here with me).
I don't want to be one of those blogs that sugarcoat everything with nice pictures, and are just so phoney; neither do I want to be one of those angsty blogs. I just want to be honest, and the truth is that sometimes I wish that I never left singapore, but other times I can't believe that I survived there for so long.
There are times when it is hard - and every singaporean fresher here will have felt it - to adjust to a habitat that isn't your natural one. People can't understand what you're saying; they talk about things that are not in your frame of reference; you don't make them laugh; they don't interest you. It's all abit harsh sometimes really. And the worst part is really feeling so uncomfortable and small sometimes, feeling just really intimidated - which is fucking weird, because I used to be the intimidating one, y'know? And it's weird when you are surrounded by a population that is so reserved - when sobre - that you almost feel crass and American sometimes. And it's hard to make friends all over again. Because the thing is, that people here don't really make friends - they just make conversation. And coming from a place where everyone I knew I've known for ages, there's always a mutual understanding that is effortless for the most part..that's the most shocking bit really.
And the work - it's HARD. The econs is absolutely fucking killing me, and so is the philosophy. And it's worse when you're surrounded by people who seriously get drunk every night, but still have already done their general philosophy essay and all their econs reading, and who are bloody first team rugby players besides. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?! i told my sister that oxford kids are just impressive - they party hard and study hard, and it's just a really a superior and capable form of existence (it reminds you that you're in oxford, really) but to be honest it really takes some getting used to.
Ok, but there's the good too. I love that everyone here is what I've described above -there's no one here that I feel justified in feeling smarter than - which is honestly a first. (haha!) I love that it's so laidback here..that it's so easy for me to go out, or go to a party or have a drink...and to be honest it's all very fun when we're all a bit drunk (the truth is the brits are only fun when smashed), and I guess i'm lucky because I am one of the only singaporeans who enjoys a bit of a party too, so it's easier for me, I think, comparatively.
And also there are things to be thankful for - I've made some solid friendships (unlike other people (yes, even the brits) whom I can see are still floundering) - I've not done anything I regret; there seems to be infinite possibility in my future.
And i think that just because things are different here from in singapore doesn't mean I should hate it..it's like when I used to bitch to my sister about people calling me fat (which no one does here - another reason to love it hah!), she would be all, why are u so upset about it? you should just accept what they think and try to improve. nonsensical advice at the time really, but makes alot of sense now. Because I can see that alot of the singaporeans ( and it's happening in the fresher year too), just kind of withdrew into the singaporean gang in order to artificially create a mini-singapore here, so things could stay the same for them, because the change was so harsh at first.
But really I think that this will change me - for the better? depends on in whose opinion really. But I think that I am here for a reason - that there is no point wondering what would have been like going to the states, or staying in singapore (actually I don't wonder about the latter. that remains a fate worse than hell for me, really) - and that after a while that reason will become apparent to me. So until then I should have fun when I am and just sleep off the moments that homesickness and despair threaten to overwhelm. Because someone - who used to be very special to me - once told me to "just take things as they come" - and he was right. Because my greatest flaw I know is my anxiousness...is this happening the way it should be? should I be doing something different? what will things be like 2 months from now?...and it was the anxiousness that drove him away, really. I'm not going to let it ruin this for me.
So if anyone has managed to read this far, I'm sorry this was such an unfocused post. But I kind of just wanted to touch base with people back home who read this - I'm sorry I'm so bad at keeping in touch (it means nothing in terms of how much I value the friendship yeah?) And to let everyone know that I'm adjusting fine...and to let other people who are here (oumssa! i know you bastards are lurking. don't mug so hard zhuang!), or anywhere else really, know that although I don't show it much, I have bad days too, but as the days go by I feel more sure that (in the hallowed words of mcfly) I'll - we'll - be okay.
I'm so bad at keeping in touch because I'm just too tired to tell people about what's going on in my life. It's like the little free time I have, I KNOW I should be studying, or just hanging out, or doing laundry. It's like the list of things I need to do is a huge pile, and the free time I have is a tiny little bit (and I'm not like Aimee who can survive on 4 hours of sleep a night) and to have the prospect of spending money to try to paint a (futile, really) picture of a place to people who cannot possibly understand, or to hear news from a place that feels almost like another planet, is just too tiring.
Understand that it's only because I am the way I am, and things right now are the way they are, and not that I don't miss home incredibly, or wish that I was back there (or more accurately, that everyone is here with me).
I don't want to be one of those blogs that sugarcoat everything with nice pictures, and are just so phoney; neither do I want to be one of those angsty blogs. I just want to be honest, and the truth is that sometimes I wish that I never left singapore, but other times I can't believe that I survived there for so long.
There are times when it is hard - and every singaporean fresher here will have felt it - to adjust to a habitat that isn't your natural one. People can't understand what you're saying; they talk about things that are not in your frame of reference; you don't make them laugh; they don't interest you. It's all abit harsh sometimes really. And the worst part is really feeling so uncomfortable and small sometimes, feeling just really intimidated - which is fucking weird, because I used to be the intimidating one, y'know? And it's weird when you are surrounded by a population that is so reserved - when sobre - that you almost feel crass and American sometimes. And it's hard to make friends all over again. Because the thing is, that people here don't really make friends - they just make conversation. And coming from a place where everyone I knew I've known for ages, there's always a mutual understanding that is effortless for the most part..that's the most shocking bit really.
And the work - it's HARD. The econs is absolutely fucking killing me, and so is the philosophy. And it's worse when you're surrounded by people who seriously get drunk every night, but still have already done their general philosophy essay and all their econs reading, and who are bloody first team rugby players besides. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?! i told my sister that oxford kids are just impressive - they party hard and study hard, and it's just a really a superior and capable form of existence (it reminds you that you're in oxford, really) but to be honest it really takes some getting used to.
Ok, but there's the good too. I love that everyone here is what I've described above -there's no one here that I feel justified in feeling smarter than - which is honestly a first. (haha!) I love that it's so laidback here..that it's so easy for me to go out, or go to a party or have a drink...and to be honest it's all very fun when we're all a bit drunk (the truth is the brits are only fun when smashed), and I guess i'm lucky because I am one of the only singaporeans who enjoys a bit of a party too, so it's easier for me, I think, comparatively.
And also there are things to be thankful for - I've made some solid friendships (unlike other people (yes, even the brits) whom I can see are still floundering) - I've not done anything I regret; there seems to be infinite possibility in my future.
And i think that just because things are different here from in singapore doesn't mean I should hate it..it's like when I used to bitch to my sister about people calling me fat (which no one does here - another reason to love it hah!), she would be all, why are u so upset about it? you should just accept what they think and try to improve. nonsensical advice at the time really, but makes alot of sense now. Because I can see that alot of the singaporeans ( and it's happening in the fresher year too), just kind of withdrew into the singaporean gang in order to artificially create a mini-singapore here, so things could stay the same for them, because the change was so harsh at first.
But really I think that this will change me - for the better? depends on in whose opinion really. But I think that I am here for a reason - that there is no point wondering what would have been like going to the states, or staying in singapore (actually I don't wonder about the latter. that remains a fate worse than hell for me, really) - and that after a while that reason will become apparent to me. So until then I should have fun when I am and just sleep off the moments that homesickness and despair threaten to overwhelm. Because someone - who used to be very special to me - once told me to "just take things as they come" - and he was right. Because my greatest flaw I know is my anxiousness...is this happening the way it should be? should I be doing something different? what will things be like 2 months from now?...and it was the anxiousness that drove him away, really. I'm not going to let it ruin this for me.
So if anyone has managed to read this far, I'm sorry this was such an unfocused post. But I kind of just wanted to touch base with people back home who read this - I'm sorry I'm so bad at keeping in touch (it means nothing in terms of how much I value the friendship yeah?) And to let everyone know that I'm adjusting fine...and to let other people who are here (oumssa! i know you bastards are lurking. don't mug so hard zhuang!), or anywhere else really, know that although I don't show it much, I have bad days too, but as the days go by I feel more sure that (in the hallowed words of mcfly) I'll - we'll - be okay.
Monday, October 10, 2005
laundry night
Right, so faiz calls while I'm chatting with vicky in my room (we were supposed to be studying, but whatever). "Let's do laundry!", he says. (subtext: I have nothing left to wear and I need company in the laundry room!). I say, "hmm...alright" (subtext: I'm worried about the huge-ass beer stain I got on karen's skirt last night, and maybe the machine can take it out). so we arrange to meet at about 11pm, do some economics reading while the laundry is done, then go off. sounds like a plan, right?
Wrong.
After lugging our huge laundry bags to the laundry room (really a laundry dungeon), we are left staring dumbfounded at the electronic keypad outside the laundry room. We don't know the combination to get in. We punch in some random numbers. Nothing works. So I'm left chattering in the cold while faiz runs off to ask the porters what the combi is.
So finally we actually get into the laundry room. We spend some time separating whites and coloureds - very efficient college kids we are! and then we're all ready to start with the spinning. Just that we can't find the place in the machine to stick in the laundry card. We spend about 10 minutes looking for it. Finally faiz realises that there's a little card reader thing at one end that connects to all the machines. Irritatingly old and shitty card reader thing rejects our cards numerous times - and makes faiz make second and third trips to the porters' lodge - and finally, the machines are ready to wash.
We spend the 30 minutes the machine takes by "reading" introduction to microeconomics, but actually spend about 15 minutes reading, and 15 bitching about how hard it is.
Ian comes in - he's transferring his clothes to the dryer. We follow his lead and transfer too. Then begins an interminable wait for the dryers to be done. At this point - and I kid you not - we've been waiting for the dryers for about 45 minutes. After giggling - in a "that's so not going to happen so we can joke about it" way - about how we're going to have to leave for our lectures directly from the laundry room, Ian's load is finally done. He kindly irons to keep us company while we're still waiting - and the shitty iron with a chain attached to it inspires another wave of "the laundry room sucks because the people who paid for it don't actually use it i.e the stupid bursar" bitching. That takes about 20 minutes.
Ian's done and he leaves, promising to bring us breakfast tomorrow morning at the laundry room. After another 20 minutes, faiz and I decide something must be wrong, and he switches off the main power. (people, it was 1.30am and we all had to be up before 8 the next day. We were desperate).
We open the dryer door to be confronted by a steaming hot pile of damp clothes. They're really hot, so hot that when faiz attempts to extricate a shirt, he lets out an extremely unmanly scream of pain, and flings the offending shirt on the floor. This - and fatigue, kids - sets me off giggling and I can't stop. "This is the worst experience of our lives!", I giggle. "I'm the one with the burnt off hand, can you stop giggling and help!", he counters.
FInally we get the hot clothes out, and put them in other dryers, leaving them to dry overnight.
And that, is why I am still awake now, 6 hours before our first lectures at oxford ever. It doesn't get better than this, folks.
On a related note, I hope to post pictures soon! But unfortunately many of them feature rather debaucherous glaze-eyed drunk people, so some self-censorship might take place. Stay tuned! And hope everyone in singapore is doing great.
Wrong.
After lugging our huge laundry bags to the laundry room (really a laundry dungeon), we are left staring dumbfounded at the electronic keypad outside the laundry room. We don't know the combination to get in. We punch in some random numbers. Nothing works. So I'm left chattering in the cold while faiz runs off to ask the porters what the combi is.
So finally we actually get into the laundry room. We spend some time separating whites and coloureds - very efficient college kids we are! and then we're all ready to start with the spinning. Just that we can't find the place in the machine to stick in the laundry card. We spend about 10 minutes looking for it. Finally faiz realises that there's a little card reader thing at one end that connects to all the machines. Irritatingly old and shitty card reader thing rejects our cards numerous times - and makes faiz make second and third trips to the porters' lodge - and finally, the machines are ready to wash.
We spend the 30 minutes the machine takes by "reading" introduction to microeconomics, but actually spend about 15 minutes reading, and 15 bitching about how hard it is.
Ian comes in - he's transferring his clothes to the dryer. We follow his lead and transfer too. Then begins an interminable wait for the dryers to be done. At this point - and I kid you not - we've been waiting for the dryers for about 45 minutes. After giggling - in a "that's so not going to happen so we can joke about it" way - about how we're going to have to leave for our lectures directly from the laundry room, Ian's load is finally done. He kindly irons to keep us company while we're still waiting - and the shitty iron with a chain attached to it inspires another wave of "the laundry room sucks because the people who paid for it don't actually use it i.e the stupid bursar" bitching. That takes about 20 minutes.
Ian's done and he leaves, promising to bring us breakfast tomorrow morning at the laundry room. After another 20 minutes, faiz and I decide something must be wrong, and he switches off the main power. (people, it was 1.30am and we all had to be up before 8 the next day. We were desperate).
We open the dryer door to be confronted by a steaming hot pile of damp clothes. They're really hot, so hot that when faiz attempts to extricate a shirt, he lets out an extremely unmanly scream of pain, and flings the offending shirt on the floor. This - and fatigue, kids - sets me off giggling and I can't stop. "This is the worst experience of our lives!", I giggle. "I'm the one with the burnt off hand, can you stop giggling and help!", he counters.
FInally we get the hot clothes out, and put them in other dryers, leaving them to dry overnight.
And that, is why I am still awake now, 6 hours before our first lectures at oxford ever. It doesn't get better than this, folks.
On a related note, I hope to post pictures soon! But unfortunately many of them feature rather debaucherous glaze-eyed drunk people, so some self-censorship might take place. Stay tuned! And hope everyone in singapore is doing great.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
excerpts
haven't had internet access for a couple of days, so kept a journal. bear in mind this was like the third day. not gonna hide that it wasn't easy with the trepedation and all, but things are much better now, stay tuned for more updates :)
1st October 2005
The past few days have been an odd mix of excitement, apathy, despair and hope. I’ve seen pretty much the same people for the past three days and to be honest, I can’t wait to meet new ones. It’s so odd because we all still feel like tourists – and act like tourists with the constant photo taking, and the going around in a giant group like some UN goodwill mission, and the constant converting in the head, followed by the very un-brit loud exclamations of “Wahlao! Damn ex!”. We are what we hated – the senior batch in OUMSSA. The only hope is that this is the first three days and there are NO other freshers around, so we really have no choice.
Sometimes I have a lot of fun with the Singaporeans – Jerald is dropping one of his spectacular non sequitur gems and we’re all giggling – and then I have this weirdest feeling, like why am I having fun with these people? OH MY GOD this is the way it’s going to be for three years! I won’t hang out with anyone else because I can only appreciate Singaporean jokes. OMG this is my worst nightmare come true etc etc, and like I actually try to stop having fun because I’m trying to convince myself that if I don’t enjoy the Singaporeans, it must mean that I’ll make lots of angmoh friends etc yay! So ridiculous. But really symptomatic of the anxiety that’s plaguing me – all of us really, I think – about meeting the new freshers. But I guess there’s really no point worrying about that, they’ll all arrive by Monday anyhow, and if it turns out that I can’t get along with them – as xinhui prophesised – and that the Singaporeans will be my only friends, well, there’s really nothing I can do about that if it’s an eventuality. So why worry right?
Have been also plagued with homesickness. It didn’t really sink in – this “this is my life now” feeling until just now, walking home from Lincoln to teddy. I was all hunched over with my hood up, shivering into zhuanghui’s scarf, and it occurred to me that this was the first time I was walking alone anywhere (remember what I said abt the Singaporeans travelling in a pack), and it was night, and no one really gave me a second look (unlike the looks poured on our UN goodwill mission), because everyone was just kind of like, just another gownie hurrying home in the cold. And it was the first time I felt that this place, whether I liked it or not, was, and will be, home – and suddenly I wasn’t on holiday with a random bunch of Singaporeans anymore; I segued into the greater mosaic of Oxford undergrad. I was part of the town; I wasn’t just visiting anymore. And I’m not sure that I particularly enjoyed that sensation – of being seen as part of something I was never entirely sure about.
Aaaaand now the good stuff. Weather is lovely. MUCH better skin here, and I love winter fashion. Everyone’s been good and fun. And everyone is general is so helpful I almost feel bad – from the help from off the plane (thanks john!) to all the way to Lincoln, to moving into teddy – I didn’t have to lug my 30kg or even the 15kg bag once. Such pleasant boys.
We keep on seeing these graduating students around in their gowns too, after the ceremony…and these dons in their mortar boards and gowns looking spectacularly impressive. Sends a shiver down your back really – and to think, I am one of them now. Awesome.
Last few days have been uneventful really. When things start happening, there’ll be much more to report I’m sure.
1st October 2005
The past few days have been an odd mix of excitement, apathy, despair and hope. I’ve seen pretty much the same people for the past three days and to be honest, I can’t wait to meet new ones. It’s so odd because we all still feel like tourists – and act like tourists with the constant photo taking, and the going around in a giant group like some UN goodwill mission, and the constant converting in the head, followed by the very un-brit loud exclamations of “Wahlao! Damn ex!”. We are what we hated – the senior batch in OUMSSA. The only hope is that this is the first three days and there are NO other freshers around, so we really have no choice.
Sometimes I have a lot of fun with the Singaporeans – Jerald is dropping one of his spectacular non sequitur gems and we’re all giggling – and then I have this weirdest feeling, like why am I having fun with these people? OH MY GOD this is the way it’s going to be for three years! I won’t hang out with anyone else because I can only appreciate Singaporean jokes. OMG this is my worst nightmare come true etc etc, and like I actually try to stop having fun because I’m trying to convince myself that if I don’t enjoy the Singaporeans, it must mean that I’ll make lots of angmoh friends etc yay! So ridiculous. But really symptomatic of the anxiety that’s plaguing me – all of us really, I think – about meeting the new freshers. But I guess there’s really no point worrying about that, they’ll all arrive by Monday anyhow, and if it turns out that I can’t get along with them – as xinhui prophesised – and that the Singaporeans will be my only friends, well, there’s really nothing I can do about that if it’s an eventuality. So why worry right?
Have been also plagued with homesickness. It didn’t really sink in – this “this is my life now” feeling until just now, walking home from Lincoln to teddy. I was all hunched over with my hood up, shivering into zhuanghui’s scarf, and it occurred to me that this was the first time I was walking alone anywhere (remember what I said abt the Singaporeans travelling in a pack), and it was night, and no one really gave me a second look (unlike the looks poured on our UN goodwill mission), because everyone was just kind of like, just another gownie hurrying home in the cold. And it was the first time I felt that this place, whether I liked it or not, was, and will be, home – and suddenly I wasn’t on holiday with a random bunch of Singaporeans anymore; I segued into the greater mosaic of Oxford undergrad. I was part of the town; I wasn’t just visiting anymore. And I’m not sure that I particularly enjoyed that sensation – of being seen as part of something I was never entirely sure about.
Aaaaand now the good stuff. Weather is lovely. MUCH better skin here, and I love winter fashion. Everyone’s been good and fun. And everyone is general is so helpful I almost feel bad – from the help from off the plane (thanks john!) to all the way to Lincoln, to moving into teddy – I didn’t have to lug my 30kg or even the 15kg bag once. Such pleasant boys.
We keep on seeing these graduating students around in their gowns too, after the ceremony…and these dons in their mortar boards and gowns looking spectacularly impressive. Sends a shiver down your back really – and to think, I am one of them now. Awesome.
Last few days have been uneventful really. When things start happening, there’ll be much more to report I’m sure.