excerpts
haven't had internet access for a couple of days, so kept a journal. bear in mind this was like the third day. not gonna hide that it wasn't easy with the trepedation and all, but things are much better now, stay tuned for more updates :)
1st October 2005
The past few days have been an odd mix of excitement, apathy, despair and hope. I’ve seen pretty much the same people for the past three days and to be honest, I can’t wait to meet new ones. It’s so odd because we all still feel like tourists – and act like tourists with the constant photo taking, and the going around in a giant group like some UN goodwill mission, and the constant converting in the head, followed by the very un-brit loud exclamations of “Wahlao! Damn ex!”. We are what we hated – the senior batch in OUMSSA. The only hope is that this is the first three days and there are NO other freshers around, so we really have no choice.
Sometimes I have a lot of fun with the Singaporeans – Jerald is dropping one of his spectacular non sequitur gems and we’re all giggling – and then I have this weirdest feeling, like why am I having fun with these people? OH MY GOD this is the way it’s going to be for three years! I won’t hang out with anyone else because I can only appreciate Singaporean jokes. OMG this is my worst nightmare come true etc etc, and like I actually try to stop having fun because I’m trying to convince myself that if I don’t enjoy the Singaporeans, it must mean that I’ll make lots of angmoh friends etc yay! So ridiculous. But really symptomatic of the anxiety that’s plaguing me – all of us really, I think – about meeting the new freshers. But I guess there’s really no point worrying about that, they’ll all arrive by Monday anyhow, and if it turns out that I can’t get along with them – as xinhui prophesised – and that the Singaporeans will be my only friends, well, there’s really nothing I can do about that if it’s an eventuality. So why worry right?
Have been also plagued with homesickness. It didn’t really sink in – this “this is my life now” feeling until just now, walking home from Lincoln to teddy. I was all hunched over with my hood up, shivering into zhuanghui’s scarf, and it occurred to me that this was the first time I was walking alone anywhere (remember what I said abt the Singaporeans travelling in a pack), and it was night, and no one really gave me a second look (unlike the looks poured on our UN goodwill mission), because everyone was just kind of like, just another gownie hurrying home in the cold. And it was the first time I felt that this place, whether I liked it or not, was, and will be, home – and suddenly I wasn’t on holiday with a random bunch of Singaporeans anymore; I segued into the greater mosaic of Oxford undergrad. I was part of the town; I wasn’t just visiting anymore. And I’m not sure that I particularly enjoyed that sensation – of being seen as part of something I was never entirely sure about.
Aaaaand now the good stuff. Weather is lovely. MUCH better skin here, and I love winter fashion. Everyone’s been good and fun. And everyone is general is so helpful I almost feel bad – from the help from off the plane (thanks john!) to all the way to Lincoln, to moving into teddy – I didn’t have to lug my 30kg or even the 15kg bag once. Such pleasant boys.
We keep on seeing these graduating students around in their gowns too, after the ceremony…and these dons in their mortar boards and gowns looking spectacularly impressive. Sends a shiver down your back really – and to think, I am one of them now. Awesome.
Last few days have been uneventful really. When things start happening, there’ll be much more to report I’m sure.
1st October 2005
The past few days have been an odd mix of excitement, apathy, despair and hope. I’ve seen pretty much the same people for the past three days and to be honest, I can’t wait to meet new ones. It’s so odd because we all still feel like tourists – and act like tourists with the constant photo taking, and the going around in a giant group like some UN goodwill mission, and the constant converting in the head, followed by the very un-brit loud exclamations of “Wahlao! Damn ex!”. We are what we hated – the senior batch in OUMSSA. The only hope is that this is the first three days and there are NO other freshers around, so we really have no choice.
Sometimes I have a lot of fun with the Singaporeans – Jerald is dropping one of his spectacular non sequitur gems and we’re all giggling – and then I have this weirdest feeling, like why am I having fun with these people? OH MY GOD this is the way it’s going to be for three years! I won’t hang out with anyone else because I can only appreciate Singaporean jokes. OMG this is my worst nightmare come true etc etc, and like I actually try to stop having fun because I’m trying to convince myself that if I don’t enjoy the Singaporeans, it must mean that I’ll make lots of angmoh friends etc yay! So ridiculous. But really symptomatic of the anxiety that’s plaguing me – all of us really, I think – about meeting the new freshers. But I guess there’s really no point worrying about that, they’ll all arrive by Monday anyhow, and if it turns out that I can’t get along with them – as xinhui prophesised – and that the Singaporeans will be my only friends, well, there’s really nothing I can do about that if it’s an eventuality. So why worry right?
Have been also plagued with homesickness. It didn’t really sink in – this “this is my life now” feeling until just now, walking home from Lincoln to teddy. I was all hunched over with my hood up, shivering into zhuanghui’s scarf, and it occurred to me that this was the first time I was walking alone anywhere (remember what I said abt the Singaporeans travelling in a pack), and it was night, and no one really gave me a second look (unlike the looks poured on our UN goodwill mission), because everyone was just kind of like, just another gownie hurrying home in the cold. And it was the first time I felt that this place, whether I liked it or not, was, and will be, home – and suddenly I wasn’t on holiday with a random bunch of Singaporeans anymore; I segued into the greater mosaic of Oxford undergrad. I was part of the town; I wasn’t just visiting anymore. And I’m not sure that I particularly enjoyed that sensation – of being seen as part of something I was never entirely sure about.
Aaaaand now the good stuff. Weather is lovely. MUCH better skin here, and I love winter fashion. Everyone’s been good and fun. And everyone is general is so helpful I almost feel bad – from the help from off the plane (thanks john!) to all the way to Lincoln, to moving into teddy – I didn’t have to lug my 30kg or even the 15kg bag once. Such pleasant boys.
We keep on seeing these graduating students around in their gowns too, after the ceremony…and these dons in their mortar boards and gowns looking spectacularly impressive. Sends a shiver down your back really – and to think, I am one of them now. Awesome.
Last few days have been uneventful really. When things start happening, there’ll be much more to report I’m sure.
