a rather immature strain of nostalgia.
So I was in the library reading about personal identity and what not, half-thinking about the talk john and I had yesterday about how we're all still looking for ourselves, however cliched it sounds. then qi li xiang comes is shuffled on on my ipod, and suddenly my head is filled with images of the RJ canteen on one of those pre-A-level days, the wind whistling through those cream-and-green fixtures, mixing with the yells from the handball court as people relieved their studying stress, or in amogh's case, avoiding the actual studying.
it's weird how incredibly fresh these memories are - this song comes on and suddenly it's like i'm right back there in that canteen, with chiara listening to the new jay chou cd on my discman, and azi getting her arse kicked on the courts, and random people - renji, amogh, qiantai, the usual - around, and I feel almost like i'm sitting on those benches again, feeling the same mix of intense yearning - for exams to be over, for life to move forward - and easy contentment. i think about my life now, and it's shocking how much things have changed...not just my surroundings, but myself:i don't speak the same, i doubt i even think the same. i am happy now - incredibly so - but sometimes i am filled with this sudden intense longing for the past. then there were so many unanswered questions and so many uncertainties. now that i know how everything turned out i almost wish i was back there filled with anxiety and hope.
gah, if this is turning 20, can you imagine turning 30? or 50?! i don't want to grow old.
it's weird how incredibly fresh these memories are - this song comes on and suddenly it's like i'm right back there in that canteen, with chiara listening to the new jay chou cd on my discman, and azi getting her arse kicked on the courts, and random people - renji, amogh, qiantai, the usual - around, and I feel almost like i'm sitting on those benches again, feeling the same mix of intense yearning - for exams to be over, for life to move forward - and easy contentment. i think about my life now, and it's shocking how much things have changed...not just my surroundings, but myself:i don't speak the same, i doubt i even think the same. i am happy now - incredibly so - but sometimes i am filled with this sudden intense longing for the past. then there were so many unanswered questions and so many uncertainties. now that i know how everything turned out i almost wish i was back there filled with anxiety and hope.
gah, if this is turning 20, can you imagine turning 30? or 50?! i don't want to grow old.
Music certainly has an incredible power to evoke vivid memory.
As for turning 20, it's really not a big deal. It's just an arbitrary number that reflects the number of times a big rock you're on happens to have gone around the sun.
Posted by
Milan |
3:53 PM